Lesson 2: Racism and the Box
Handout 1

Self-Deception

Self-Betrayal: An act contrary to what I feel I should do for another

Example of Self-Betrayal

When I betray myself, I begin to see the world in a way that justifies my self-betrayal. My view of reality becomes distorted.

How I start to see myself How I start to see the other person
Too cool to move Uncool
Loyal to my friends Antisocial
Worthy of friendship Unworthy of friendship

When I betray myself, I enter the box.

In the box, I am seeing people as objects. I am actively resisting what the humanity of others calls me to do for them.

By being in the box, I provoke others
to be in the box.

In the box, we invite mutual mistreatment and, in this way, give each other reasons to stay in the box.

Over time, certain boxes become characteristic of me, and I
carry them with me.

What does not work inside the box:

  1. Trying to change others
  2. Doing my best to “cope” with others
  3. Leaving (segregation, isolation)
  4. Communication
  5. Implementing new skills or techniques

The way out of the box:

Living Out of the Box

  1. Don’t try to be perfect. Do try to do better.
  2. Don’t look for others’ boxes. Do look for your own.
  3. Don’t accuse others of being in the box.
    Do try to stay out of the box yourself.
  4. Don’t give up on yourself when you discover you’ve been in the box. Do keep trying.
  5. Don’t deny you’ve been in the box when you have been.
  6. Do apologize, and then just keep marching forward, trying to be more helpful to others in the future.


  7. Don’t focus on what others are doing wrong. Do focus on what you can do right to help.


  8. Don’t worry about whether others are helping you. Do worry whether you are helping others.