Lesson 1: Understanding Justice, Kindness and Tolerance
(9th Grade)
Handout 1

Self Deception

Self-Betrayal: An act contrary to what I feel I should do for another

Example of Self-Betrayal

When I betray myself, I begin to see the world in a way that justifies my self-betrayal. I deceive myself, and my view of reality becomes distorted.

How I start to see myself How I start to see the other person
Too cool to move Uncool
Loyal to my friends Antisocial
Worthy of friendship Unworthy of friendship

When I betray myself, I enter "the box."

In the box, I deceive myself that others aren't important.

I see people as objects rather than fellow humans.

I actively resist what the humanity of others calls me to do for them.

By being in the box, I provoke others
to be in the box.

In the box, we invite mutual disrespect and, in this way, give each other reasons to stay in the box.

Over time, certain boxes become characteristic of me, and I
carry them with me. These are prejudices and self-fulfilling labels.

What does not work inside the box:

  1. Trying to change others
  2. Doing my best to understand others  
  3. Communicating with others
  4. Implementing new skills or techniques
 
 
 

The way out of the box:

 

Living "Out of the Box"

  1. Don’t try to be perfect. Do try to do better.
     
  2. Don’t look for others’ boxes. Do look for your own.
     
  3. Don’t accuse others of being in the box.
     
  4. Do try to stay out of the box yourself.
     
  5. Don’t give up on yourself when you discover you’ve been in the box. Do keep trying.
     
  6. Don’t deny you’ve been in the box when you have been.
     
  7. Do apologize, and then keep marching forward, trying to be more helpful to others in the future. 
     
  8. Don’t focus on what others are doing wrong. Do focus on what you can do right to help. 
     
  9. Don’t worry about whether others are helping you. Do worry whether you are helping others.

Used with permission from

Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box. The Arbinger Institute (Editor). San Francisco: Berrett-Koehler Publishers, 2000. ISBN: 1576750949